What Makes me Happy

Since I was 2 months old, I have been spending some portion of my summer at the beach. Some years it was only a weekend, some a few weeks, and since high school, it's been the whole summer. I am obsessive about the beach, mostly because of the way it makes me feel...which is ALWAYS happy.

On Saturday, my husband and I grabbed a few hours at the beach before we had to work that night. Surprisingly, even though it was in the nineties everywhere else, the beach was only about 70 degrees. Because of my recent scares, I am now very diligent about my skin care and the level of spf I use. I was very good about applying and reapplying on Saturday, however, the spray can I used does not spread very well and I ended up with horrible sploches of burn in several areas. (I was so disappointed)

This resulted in my inability to go to the beach yesterday when we were dismissed from school early because of the heat. I had to be smart and avoid the sun for another day and spent much of it on the couch watching a movie and getting caught up on my shows. By the time dinner was over, I was so restless, that I went outside and weeded and then needed and begged my husband to go for a walk with me at the beach. Let me tell you, the fact that the nearest beach/boardwalk is only 5 miles away is a perfect cure for restlessness. We spent an hour strolling on the boardwalk watching the beautiful sunset, hearing the waves breaking on the beach, and even played 2 games of air hockey (which I LOVE). It makes me feel I cannot put into words, other than to say I was so happy. I had a huge grin on my face and to stroll with my husband in the place that makes me happiest.....was just perfect.

Congratulations :)

Congratulations to my aunt who was just engaged to the most wonderful man for her....I am so happy for the both of you.

...Love can find you at any age....

Country Road...Take Me Home

For my brother's college graduation, we had a party/dinner for him at an excellent Italian restaurant in the town that I grew up in. Driving there today, we bypassed my house and went a different route to ensure we would get there a bit quicker.

(On a side note, on our way up Garden State Parkway North today, we got stuck behind a whole line of state troopers, sheriff cars, DOC buses, SUVs, etc. A state trooper was serving across the whole parkway to ensure no one would be driving alongside the buses. This happened for close to 20 miles of the parkway, which did not create a fun driving experience for us.)

As we were driving through my home town, I was swarmed with memories of who lived where, places my friends and I would drive to, things we would do, etc. I am amazed by how many people report their high school experiences as ones they would like to forget, when mine are filled with so many great memories. I can tell you that my years in high school were not always so great, I did hit my spells of times when I hated life, however, these days, I am fortunate enough to mostly remember the great days.

When I lived in my hometown, I was not always happy to be there. Everything was so spread out, and I lived on top of the mountain, so it was not convenient to get to and from my friends' houses. Before I had my license, my parents were not always so apt to drive me all over the place, unless they were dropping me off for the night somewhere.

Now when I drive back through, I do think it's beautiful. Most especially, when we were driving down a particular steep road, you could see the rolling green hills/mountains, and my town nestled down in the "valley". I don't think I would ever want to live back there again, but it's always refreshing to dirve through and reminisce.

Happy Memorial Day!

Memorial day had little significance for me growing up, unfortunately. We were educated in school and at home, and participated in some parades throughout the years for different organizations, but I definitely didn't fully grasp the true importance of the day until my more "mature" years. Up until recently, my grandfather has only talked about small insiginificant events from his days of service overseas. He would laugh remembering some of his buddies, the silly pranks and adventures they went on, and the songs they would sing. As is the case with most soldiers, the war brings back many unpleasant experiences for him, those that one could probably not grasp unless they themselves had experienced them. It is hard to ask questions because he becomes very emotional talking about them.

To date, I have read as many books related to my grandfathers experiences as I have been able to get my hands on...Flags of our Fathers, Ghost Soldiers, The Battle of the Bulge, The Greatest Generation, etc. Many times myself, I have become emotional because of how little I truly knew about the war. I used to feel embarrassed when my grandfather made remarks concerning the Japanese, however, after reading some of the events that occurred, I can understand how he could feel the way he does.

In church on Sunday, our Pastor's sermon was based on the premise of "sacrificial love" and what it means for these soldiers to fight for our rights to be free. He told a true story about a man named Milton Olive III who served in the Vietnam War. He was 17 years old when he was sent to Vietnam and along with four other men, they made a pact that they would stay "in it" together and do everything they could to stay alive together. One day, they came across a live grenade that was about to explode in seconds. Without hesitation, Milton Olive III jumped on the grenade, tucked it into his abdomen, and curled his body into a ball so he could shield his friends from the explosion and save their lives. In a moment, he didn't think twice about sacrificing his life to save the lives of his friends.

On a daily basis, our American troops are protecting our lives so that we can go about our daily routines without fear. So many Americans spend their time arguing the fact that the troops should not be overseas, and I am not here to argue that point either way. However, today, and every day, we should be thankful for the sacrifices our troops voluntarily make for us so that we can be safe.

One day, my grandfather will not be around anymore and all the experiences and memories he went through will be gone with him. I am so thankful that he protected my right to be free and sacrificed so much time away from his wife to protect everyone else's families. I am thankful for all the troops who have and currently serve for us.

thank you....

Legacy

Last weekend, my brother graduated from college. He is the 3rd of four of us who have now graduated. For as long as I can remember, my grandparents have all been very involved in our lives and have gone to as much of our life events as possible.

I am extremely lucky because I still have 3 of 4 grandparents who are all still very active; two of them still work at least 1 day per week and the 3rd volunteers at different places. They are between the ages of 81 and 85.

For the trip to Stockton for the graduation, my parents rented a mini-van and picked up the crew of grandparents (my mom termed it the "senior citizen mobile" so they wouldn't have to drive all the way down. They picked me up at work since it was on the way down and had a very enjoyable day. On the way home, I sat all the way in the back with my grandfather and he was telling me some stories about him and his brothers from the war days. I always love hearing stories when he is able to talk about them because it's a legacy. I get this feeling inside when I hear him and my grandmother who was a nurse during the war talk about their experiences. It's something that I will fortunately never have to know about.

Sitting in that car on Saturday I was having mixed emotions between being happy and sad. I am so lucky to be 27 years old and still have my grandparents in my life. However, the older they get, the more vulnerable I feel they are and that's what makes me so sad. At times, they appear frail and have difficulties getting around. I know this is part of life....

It's been awhile....AGAIN

I know it's been awhile since I last put a post up, and I probably would not have been on the track to do so had I not been driving to work this morning when a song stirred my memory. This song does not make me think of anything specific, but it does bring back early days of high school to me. As I was listening to it, I just was thinking a thousand thoughts about those days and how good life was (despite the obvious challenges being a young teenager in high school). The song is Natalie Merchant's, Carnival; it flashes me back to driving around in friend's cars, going out at night, and just having a really good time. I guess it's just because that's a CD I was listening to a lot back then.

Somewhat related to this - I dream a LOT. I would consider myself to have obsessive dreaming. My dreams are extremely vivid and real and I have a very good memory for them the next morning. Most of the time, I can pick out different things in my day that show up in my dreams all mushed together in some strange sequence, extremely distorted. Many times, random, and real, people show up even though I haven't thought of, talked to, or even mentioned in a very long time. A few nights ago, two friends of mine in high school were in my dream and I literally haven't talked to them in about eight years....

And on another note - I know I've written in the past about family issues between my dad and his brother, but lately it's changing again. There are time periods where that brother of my dad's and his family pop in and out of my grandmother's life and it makes her so happy, because the rest of the time, they are non-existant. However, she can't distinguish the fakeness and niceness for true feelings. It's very irritating to myself and my family because we do not choose time periods when we want to see or talk to her, especially my dad. My parents do so much for her because they love her and want to watch out for her the way they do. The whole scenario is very frustrating on many levels.

I hate conflict and I avoid it at all costs. As much as I am so angry and spiteful at that family and cousins of mine, a small part of me hates that my dad and his other siblings do not speak to each other because of all of the family drama. The relationships in that family have been so up and down throughout life, but I suppose it's hard to get over gaping holes that can't ever seem to be fixed, and at this point, don't seem as if that's EVER going to happen. I even dream that I see my aunt and uncle or cousins and what I would say to them if I had the opportunity. I've often fantasized about writing a letter of all the things I've always wanted to say, but never did back when everything was going on, and now, when they hurt my grandmother the way they do.

Quote of the Day

"Even when love isn't enough...somehow it is."
-- Stephen King