Just Plain ANGRY

I am fortunate enough to still have THREE of my grandparents around and I see them pretty often considering they live about an hour and a half to two hours away from me now. We have family gatherings regularly throughout the year, and I love the fact that I am the age I am and have all 3 of them in my life.

Well, I guess some other members of my family (extended) are not. They are extremely hurtful and rude, neglectful, mean, and I can not believe they come from the same family. They have taken an issue that occurred SEVERAL years ago and have turned it around to "punish" my grammy for things that are extremely ridiculous and it's shocking that someone can treat their mother/grandmother that way. Not to mention, a lot of the issues stem from way before I was even born. So many things that I could write a book on it...

My dad called this morning to tell me that she was having a very bad morning because, as per usual, something happened over the weekend where her son said something to her that was VERY hurtful and spiteful. It's so frustrating because you can talk to them until you are blue in the face about how horrible it is, and they just don't get it.

The things I miss...

Last night I was on the phone with one of my closest friends. Her and her husband (also one of my closest friends) live about an hour from me and they are having a baby!! We were excitedly talking about the things that have progressed since I last saw her/talked to her. She can feel the baby moving all around and knows when it makes specific movements like hiccups or kicks her belly.

This is so exciting and I'm so incredibly happy for my friends. I'm off on Sunday and I thought maybe it would be nice to drive up there for a late lunch on Sunday, but they already have plans. It's so hard to make plans with friends these days. Everyone has different schedules, everyone has different plans they have to keep up with. There are so many friends that I would love to see more regularly, but unfortunately, everyone has to open up their planners and check when the next available date is. As it is, we had a hard enough time making plans with our neighbors!!

I love the way life has changed for me. I love having a home and living with my significant other. (Yes, Smelmooo, I am a heathen.) I love sometimes that I am an adult and have a job and pay bills and such. But sometimes, I miss the ease in being with friends and family without having to schedule it months in advance.

Particularly disturbing...

There was an article in the newspaper yesterday saying how the northeast portion of the united states is due for a catastrophic hurricane.

Meterologists say that it's not if, but rather when this storm could hit. They predict as early as this year.

HOLY SHIT!!

Kudos!!

In eighth grade when the coaches from the high school came down to talk to us about our options in sports, I was unsure of which room to head to because I really wasn't very talented in any sport that required using a ball, glove, or bat. I mean, I can hold my own, but in competition, wasn't so sure. I am the oldest in my family and because I was a girl, I was put in dance which later turned into dance competition. I can't say I regret this decision because there was a time when I really enjoyed it.

However, not when it came to deciding which sport room to go into that day. Every other sibling after me played my dad's sports: soccer, wrestling (well, aside from my sister), and baseball/softball. So, not having any skill and being that the soccer room was packed, I meandered into Cross Country.

Ok, ok, stop laughing. I liked the coaches, I liked their message, and so I put my name on the paper. When summer rolled around, I went to all of the practices and low and behold, I was pretty decent. I could run with the best of them and I actually enjoyed it. Those four years were some of the best years I can remember and made my high school experience extrememly memorable. I bonded with three of my best friends who I still have today and had experiences I will NEVER forget. Not to mention, I was actually pretty good.

I ran my first year in college and then I just didn't enjoy it as much anymore. I ran a lot on my own, but never could quite get back into it the same way I once was. I've attempted numerous times to get a routine going, but gave up pretty easily.

I've been doing pretty well as far as going regularly lately. Today, I was convinced I didn't feel like going and wasn't going to. But you know what? I went anyway. I had to pat myself on the back because in the past couple of years, I would have resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to go, and I wouldn't. For the past month I've been doing pretty well and it just makes me feel so happy with myself that I'm not giving up on it...and I actually enjoy it again.

Taking things personally

Today I was reminded how much of a wuss I can be. I definitely take things way too personally and a lot of times, instead of letting them roll off of my back, I get that feeling of welling up inside and then there's no going back.

I had an issue with a parent today and there were definitely things that could have been better about the situation on both ends, but instead of just walking away and saying, "oh well", I welled up inside and had to control my emotions.

I think this all stems from my childhood. I was always the kid who cried. Something would happen, be it getting in trouble, hurting someone's feelings, getting my feelings hurt, and on and on, and I'd well up, and tears would start flowing. I HATE it when people are mad at me, I HATE it when I do something wrong, and the reaction for me, which is uncontrollable has been to well up. Let me tell you, this isn't the best way to react to things, especially as an adult. I've gotten better at keeping that under wraps, and I can usually wait until I'm in a room by myself, but irregardless, I just can't help it.

God, I can be such a wuss sometimes.

Goodbye Friend....

It's funny how life has a way of working itself out.

I have to take the time to say goodbye to a good ole dog, Haywood.

When Rob found out he was sick, he wanted to get a dog, someone who would be his "buddy" and keep him company through the many difficult days that were yet to come.

He did some research and one day came across Haywood at a shelter. I remember when he was first brought home and he was so timid and scared. It didn't take long, however, for him to become a part of the family.

Haywood certainly fulfilled all that Rob, and everyone else for that matter, needed in a dog. I don't think there was one moment where Haywood left Rob alone. He would keep him company in the bed, waited patiently outside the bathroom door until he came out, slept at his feet on the couch...He protected Rob.

Through the very end, Haywood was by Rob's side. He was an extremely special dog and when I found out today that he died from a mass on his brain it certainly shook me up a little. I don't think I could ever put into words the impact the dog had on me and the rest of his family. He was a special warmth in a time that was not so nice.

He was certainly one special dog that took care of a loooot of people.

Goodbye Haywood, you will certainly be missed....but I know now you're back with your buddy...

How Rude!!

Or is it? You tell me...

Last night I was visiting a few friends in their hotel room who have a few small young children. For a short time, they increasingly got louder and louder being kids. So the mom's broke out with "Be quiet, sit down, watch TV..." and the three kids layed down on the bed together and quietly started watching the TV.

Well, not even two minutes later the hotel phone rang (by the way, this is 9ish pm) and the caller was a hotel clerk who voiced his concern that a call of complaint was voiced about the noise coming from the room. My friend informed the clerk her apologies but reported that everyone was under control and all was well.

Then the couple month old baby started crying. So, the mom packed up the baby and her two little ones and headed back to her room to put the tired kids to bed. All was quiet again.

So, not even two minutes later, the hotel clerk was at the door voicing his concerns again. Apolgies were given but was reported that the crying baby was gone and in their own room.

All is well?? Maybe not.

This morning I had to leave early for work and as the elevator was heading down, 2 older women got in the elevator on the next floor down. They were complaining how they were awoken a little early this morning to a crying baby. They called several times to complain because the crying lasted a short while. Now, I'm unsure if this was the floor with my friend, but it is coincidental. I'm sure the baby was crying because it had awoken and was hungry and all the things that go along with a baby who is only a couple months old.

So I was thinking about it. If I was next door to a crying baby I would probably think, oh that sucks, but somewhat ignore it because I would expect it. Granted, if the crying went on for a long extended time, then maybe I would start to get annoyed, but what can the hotel do in this situation. Kick the mother out because her baby is crying??

I'm more understanding in this situation, but is everyone??

Scatterbrained...

Now that Monmouth won the play-in game last night against Hampton, I can finally join the festivities in Philadelphia while they're there for their game against Villanova on Friday. The unfortunate thing is that I can only take off work on Friday, so I'm going out there tonight, to come back tomorrow for work, to drive back for the next 2 nights. Being this is the closest thing I'm going to get to a vacation mid-year, I guess it's worth it. I'm excited because I was truly disappointed I couldn't make the trip out to Dayton, Ohio. Yes, you did hear me right...I really wanted to go to dayton.

This brings me to a new point. You know when you're just so excited to be somewhere other than where you actually are in that moment, you have no ambition to do anything in your current location. Not to mention, my job entails that I spend the next 3-4 hours outside in the wind and cold. Fun.

My dad's 50th birthday just recently passed and my whole family is getting together at an Italian restaurant to celebrate. He opted against the big party because he HATES being the center of attention. So this will be nice. These days my parents are free birds and spend the majority of their time checking out new places packing up and out to Boston, Washington DC, the St. Pat's parade in Seaside, AC, or wherever their hearts desire. My dad has never been an easy person to buy for, so my 3 siblings and I chipped in to get a gift certificate to the Renault Winery so they can pick a package of their choice including an overnight, a bottle of wine, a nice dinner, a tour of the winery, and a few other nice options.

Next point, I know they will LOVE it, but I wouldn't mind having a nice romantic get away to the winery.

Finally, this cold weather reminds me how much I can't WAIT to end this school year and have warm weather, sunny days and sand between my toes. I'm a diehard beach fan. In much the same ways you might crave food or other objects, I am craving the beach and spending my days there.

That's when I get my time off.

Ok, I think that's it.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Congratulations to Monmouth University Men's Basketball team for their big win tonight against Hampton.

GOOD LUCK against Villanova!!

I can hardly imagine...

I recently read a book that my dad passed along to me that has probably been the book in all my bookworm days that has had the most profound effect on me as a person.

He passed it along in saying, "If you want to understand why Poppy doesn't talk about his experiences in the war, this book will make you see why".

Of course I want to know why. My grandfather is a part of history, but yet, we've grown up knowing bits of pieces of that part of him.

The book was Flags of our Fathers by James Bradley. If you are not familiar, James Bradley is the son of "Doc" Bradley who was one of the 2nd group of flagraisers on Iwo Jima. However, until after the death of his father, James Bradley did not find out all of the details surrounding this fateful day because it was a topic that was never spoken about in their household. Doc Bradley avoided all interview requests as well as other media attention surrounding the event until his death because according to him, he was not the real hero. The real heroes were the ones that "never made it home".

What I do know about my grandfather's experience in the war is very minimal. Growing up, he has been known to sing a few songs here and there that him and other soldiers would sing along their marches and down time. I know he was in the Phillipines. I know he calls the Japanese "those damn Japs" (I'm sorry if this offends anyone). I know he helped to rescue the prisoners from the Japanese camps during and after the Bataan Death March. (this I did not find out until recent years). I've seen my grandfather tear up here and there and not be able to answer many of our questions as innocent children.

There's no way I could ever fathom the perils of war. Even my statement is one of ignorance because I will NEVER understand.

what was described to me on those pages in the book many times brought me to tears. I know "war is bad", but some of these depictions were beyond what I've ever even known. Men were tortured, beaten, badly abused by artillery, died, and on and on and on in ways that I've never even known to be possible in my sheltered life.

I know why my Grandfather can not speak of these things today. The memories must be too painful to bear, to heartwrenching to talk about.

My mom told me recently that he was able to open up to my father about a few things. He was in a foxhole with his buddy, his friend, his brother of a common cause when he was struck by some form of attack, badly dismangled, flown about 100 feet, and died. My grandfather did not have a scratch.

I know why my Grandfather can not speak of these things. I have come to understand there is a certain amount of shame associated with war. You kill people. This is your purpose in war??

This book had a profound effect on me because I now know why my grandfather has not talked about his experiences in the wars.

I've always had a very high level of respect for soldiers in fighting for my rights and freedoms here. However, after reading this book, I have a whole new meaning of hero and has moved me in a way that I can't even articulate.

All I can say is thank you for protecting me and my country.

A shout out...

I'd like to give a shoutout to the smelmooo if you were redirected to this page because of him.

I have become a blogger after a long time of reading others and finally decided to give it a whirl. I haven't been very good at being a regular, but I surely hope what I do post, is somewhat worth reading.

Thanks smelmooo!!!

And by the way...I do hope to become an official part of your family one day :)

It's all so humbling...

We know things happen in life to remind us of that which we are lucky.

For example, I am the luckiest girl to have the significant other that I do. I love him more than I could ever fathom loving anything or anyone.

He's away right now at a very exciting event and I am extremely happy that he was able to go and be a part of all of it. Unfortunately, I was not able to attend because of how last minute it was, but I am happy he can go and enjoy himself.

Being alone here in our home is very lonely. I know there are people who have to do this on a regular basis and I acknowledge that and how difficult it must be. However, I guess when it becomes a part of your routine, , it is something you accept and get used to over time (even though I can't imagine this making it any easier).

However, I am rather humbled by being alone in our home without him. I guess it makes you appreciate the time you have together that much more. Believe me, every second that I am with him, I feel so complete. when I'm here alone, I just miss him.

Hurry home hun.

I carried a watermelon...

I had one of those moments today where I couldn't believe I said something to someone. It reminded me of Dirty Dancing where Baby helps carry the watermelon up to the "secret place" where only staff members were allowed to hang out. when Patrick Swayze asks what she was doing there, Baby blurts out..."I carried a watermelon".

So under her breath, she says "I carried a watermelon?" in disbelief that she actually said that.

So when a coworker said to me today, "You're leaving already" as i was walking out the side doors toting my bag, I responded with "No, but I just ran a little while ago and my clothes were wet, so I just changed".

My clothes were still wet??

Insert foot here.

I know, I know....

Ok, so it's been awhile.

I'm in the kind of mood right now where I could sit here and list all of these random complaints I have on a day like today. It's always kind of funny when you think your day starts off completely on the right foot, and then everything from that point on goes incredibly downhill.

Alright, I'll spare you all of my complaints for today...

I guess I do have some random thoughts going through my head:

- I feel horrible horrible horribly for the 13 year old son of Christopher and Dana Reeve's son. While most of us can't really stand the thought of losing one parent, this 13 yeard old adolescent has endured more than most of us have ever gone through by losing both of his parents at such young ages.

- My dad just turned 50 yesterday and as I wrote to him in his card, I really feel as though they (him and my mom) are getting younger and not older. Since my youngest sibling left the house, they have had this newfound freedom that they are taking advantage of in every possible way. Running off to Boston, or washington D.C, AC for his birthday, trying out new pubs and restaurants....visiting all of their children. I think it's the most wonderful thing.

- I had a youngster confide in me today and it's left me feeling very uneasy. she must have had NO ONE else to talk to because we have never even met before and yet she spilled her deepest darkest secret to me. that's something incredibly powerful that allows me to feel special to have the job that I do. I get to interact with young human beings in so many different ways and in many situations, I become the bearer of many secrets.

- I wish this "situation" wasn't happening because I feel horrible.

* It's kind of amazing how letting go of a few random things makes you feel a little better.